My first job out of college was tutoring young Broadway actors: spending time backstage, I got introduced late (and unknowingly) to some of the Gods of Drama Fagdom, and ended up watching “That’s Entertainment!” 1, 2, and 3 as a primer on what I was seeing. Which was like getting both barrels of Fabulous straight in the face. I hope you don’t mind me adding some of my own observations:

1) When writing about the decline of civilization, folks usually try to compare the Roman bread-and-circus spectacles to something edgy and morally ambiguous, like heavy metal or Jerry Springer. But it’s the musicals of the MGM era that best correlate to the Roman mixture of enormous spectacle and cultural imperialism. Hell, plus in the musicals half the time they’re actually oiled up and wearing togas, so there’s that.

2) You see Debbie Reynolds as “adorable”, but her early dance numbers strike me as “carnivorous.” Seriously, look at her staring directly at the camera while she slams through her numbers — you know where you see that in films nowadays? Porno, that’s where. With that intense stare and that wide, rapacious grin, she’s projecting about a hundred thousand kilowatts of sexual energy through the screen — but it’s clear that after she’s had her way with you, she’s gonna pull off your head and eat you. Sheesh, no wonder she’s a gay icon!