yeah, so i was just checking the celebrity baby horoscopes, like you do. i’m either going to have a libra or a scorpio baby, and these horoscopes tell me– the anxious expectant mother– which babies i will be incapable of loving because of the position of the stars upon their birth. it takes a lot of pressure off, frankly. i mean, if it’s just not in a gemini to be able to love, say, a virgo, then so be it. i mean, sorry baby, but mamma can’t battle the stars. luckily, i am not going to have a damn lazy capricorn baby like harlow madden:

HARLOW MADDEN - CAPRICORN - 1/11/08
“Harlow has a lot of creative potential but she lacks motivation,” Knight says of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden’s 7-month-old daughter.

let me tell you something: there will be no lazy layabout newborns in the house of roake and check, my friends, rest assured. our boy-child will be brimming with motivation. that baby is going to get.shit.done, son. trust.