god, this is so true. the worst is when she (the winsome, manic, hat-designer/grifter/cupcake baker*) teaches some dysfunctional old man-boy (richard gere) how to function/enjoy life before she selflessly and beautifully dies, leaving him to enjoy the life he does not deserve. i’m looking at you, sweet november.
*in the gq […]

if i didn’t work with children, i might consider using this screensaver, for real.

What is a couched and fat-ankled preggo lady supposed to do while half watching Midnight Run in the late afternoon? Why google the past, obvs. And sometimes you come across charming discoveries like this, which my friends put together a long time ago, when I was not yet a fat-ankled preggo lady, but […]

yeah, so i was just checking the celebrity baby horoscopes, like you do. i’m either going to have a libra or a scorpio baby, and these horoscopes tell me– the anxious expectant mother– which babies i will be incapable of loving because of the position of the stars upon their birth. it takes a […]

I have been diagnosed (by a Doctor!) with something acute, and have been rendered powerless and whiny by this possibly deadly, probably just viral plague. “My stories” (thank God for Zarf!) and websites, that’s been about it for a few days. But I have gathered enough strength to post a link to a […]

Because there’s still love, unsettling race & gender relations, and kitty porn the day after Valentines Day!

Here is my legacy: Lindsay’s in rehab, and this piece’s publisher went under before it could be seen in their spring issue. Coincidence? No, obviously not. Clearly this piece, though read by approximately five people, is not only out of date, but DANGEROUS. It pushes starlets into rehab and worthy literary […]